Doing The Wrong Thing

“Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging.” –Joseph Campbell

Every new day I wake up, I find something new to appreciate and be thankful for. As of this moment, I have never felt better about the prospects of my life as a whole. Gazing at life’s horizon, I have so many things I cherish right here in front of me.

I’m one of many who has been blessed to be born into a wonderful family, and am grateful to have so many awesome siblings and cousins. I’m fortunate enough to have made many friendships with people I trust and who’s company I enjoy. It is unfortunate that with all of these tremendous people in my life, so few are here with me now to share with the things that trouble us all most.

I’ve been a bit disappointed with myself lately – I do have a good habit of being hard on myself – as I have been not pushing myself enough to improve my quality of life. I’ve been working out less each week, with far too little intensity. This is a troubling development when realized. I should be at least keeping a similar pace or increasing the totality of my progress. So I’ve outlined a few things I need to working on constantly, to improve my body, mind, and character.

First off is simply exercise. The winter cold is no longer an excuse to be lazy. Last year I often started a day’s workout by getting in a light jog to help me warm up, which was easy to get away from the past few months. By doing so, I basically eliminated motivation to start working out, which hasn’t necessarily been detrimental to my progress, but it definitely hasn’t helped. So, I’ve decided to flip the script. From now on I will be getting in some resistance/turbulence training before I go running, and continuing with a second workout upon my return after stretching, which brings me to point two.

I am not the most flexible person you have ever met. Actually I’m probably on the lower half of that totem pole. While training MMA has helped me loosen up a bit, I’m far from what I’m going to call excessively limber. One thing I can work on daily that will help me with this is my Tae Kwon Do. While my roundhouse kicks are solid form wise, I have real trouble getting my side kicks straight, and up above my waist. I’m determined to improve this aspect of my fight game.

One thing I have been getting into the routine of doing more is meditating. A couple minutes here and there before or after a poker session or in the mornings is incredibly helpful to my psyche. It helps me clear my mind of questions and regain both composure and awareness. This is something I will continue to do to strengthen my mental focus and resolve.

As far as my diet is concerned, it seems as tho I sway back and forth between that of an uber health nit and a borderline fat dude lol. I love eating breakfast – usually oatmeal, yogurt, fruit – so that’s never a problem. I also love wheat bread and salad along with tuna, salmon, chicken, & turkey. My problem lies in the wee hours of the morning where all I want to do is eat chips and candy and ice cream. I don’t know why this time of day makes me feel this way…call it being American if you want. Talking to Brian the other day he said he always feels the same way and he has no idea why. I’ve got my mind set on kicking this part of my stomach’s ass from now on when it tries to tell me to do such things. I still would love to shed maybe 5 lbs of fat from my midsection and am determined to do so. Although I’ve never been even moderately overweight and have been somewhat of an overachiever athletically given the problems I’ve had with my left foot, looking back I could have worked so much harder. My whole life I’ve wanted to be this physical specimen much like my father was at my age, or even my younger brother Dalton. While I think playing JuCo basketball & college soccer helped me mold my physique a little, I’ve done most of the work myself. I’m finally at that point where I’m looking a bit chiseled, I just need to continue making progress.

One thing I do improve everyday is my mental toughness. I generally do a wonderful job of controlling my emotions, much more so than the average person could claim to. While it is “normal” to feel things like anger or frustration, when you train your mind to it’s just as easy to forget them and feel good about everything. The one area I’ve always had trouble doing this with is women. I think it’s safe to say I’ve always been a bit of a romantic. Unfortunately (or is it?) it’s never fared very well for me.

For the most part every girl I have ever had a relationship with has either cheated on me, used me for their benefit in some way (i.e. leverage another relationship, make someone jealous, etc.) or betrayed me in some other fashion. Is it just my fault? Perhaps to a degree, after all how could it not be in some way, shape. or form. I have always cared a bit too much of others’ opinions of me, and less so about my opinion of them. Why do I seek out their approval? I think it’s just because I want someone to care as much for me as I do for them, which also never quite seems to be the case. Some of my closest and dearest friends are women, all of whom have or do ask me for relationship advice. Now I’ve thought about this quite a bit lately, and questioned whether I’m the type of person who can’t take advice but insists on giving it. My conclusion is I’m absolutely not that person, and that I’m actually pretty resourceful when it comes to taking advice, whether direct or indirect, and applying it to my own life.

Now while this has made me seriously review past relationships and that aspect of my life, I’m not going to change the way I approach these situations. I’ve never had a girl tell me I’m insensitive or I don’t care enough, among other things. As a matter of fact, the only thing I can accuse myself of is trying too hard, or caring too much. But it makes me wonder if that is indeed a bad thing. Should I be more emotionally detached? Maybe. But I also am only going to live once. When people look back on the type of person I was and am presently, I want them to say I cared about other people’s happiness, that I made sacrifices, that I put others first. More than anything, I want people to say that I was passionate and carried myself respectfully, that I was always eager to help others and wanted to improve their quality of life as much as mine. Ultimately, that is why I write, why I keep this blog. If my experiences and thoughts can help someone plug a leak in their life, whether it’s physical or psychological, then I can feel a sliver of satisfaction from it. If I can make people laugh and keep everyone posted on what I’m up to at the same time, that’s just a bonus.

This week is really exciting for me. I’ve been pretty sick up since St. Patrick’s Day up until Monday night, and feel well rested and motivated. It’s supposed to be relatively nice today so I’m gonna hit some range balls out at the course then play a round or two of golf with Brin for the first time this year. Soo stoked summer is just around the corner. We’ll be leaving for Vegas in just under 9 weeks, which is just insane to think about. The last year or so has really flown by. Here’s to another great one.

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~ by therealJWilliam on March 22, 2010.

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